why has the muse gone
by iluvdarts
Summary: Here is a short story that came to me the other day. it contains unrequieted love between two female characters so you have been warned. Please read and review. many thanks!


-1**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. I HAVE JUST BORROWED THEM FOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT AND I PROMISE TO GIVE THEM BACK UNHARMED. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME AS I AM IN ENOUGH DEBT AS IT IS!**

A/N: this story contains very mild unrequited love between 2 women. If this offends you please do not read. This story is pretty self-explanatory so please enjoy reading and then review. All reviews are welcome both good and bad.

Why has the muse gone?

No-one knows this about me but I'm a writer. I write on-line, writing stories about characters from my favourite TV shows and how the storylines should really go. Mostly I input my life on the characters in the stories as the one thing I want the most I can't have. Who am I? I'm Sara Sidle. I work for the las Vegas crime lab and I'm hopelessly in love with my work colleague. What makes it even harder for me is that this is a female work colleague. One Catherine Willows consumes my every waking though and she doesn't even have a clue.

Anyways, I'm sitting here staring at a blank screen on my computer desperately trying to write the next chapter of my current story. I managed to complete my first ever story in a matter of days but now I've been stuck for over a month! It's really frustrating to not be able to find the words that I want to write.

My muse has upped and left me for some reason. Why you ask? I don't really know. Life is hectic as usual. I'm pulling more overtime than anyone else in work which is nothing new but lately the rewards and benefits of doing this are not worth it. Maybe that is why my muse has left me? Maybe I wasn't paying her enough attention so she abandoned me. I just don't know. All I do know is that without her I will never get my story finished. I know how I want the story to go but without my muse the words just wont write. I would apply for a new muse but I don't want to offend the one I had if she was to return to me.

If my muse can hear me I'm sorry for all the wrongs I've done you. Please come back to me!! Without you I can not write and if I can't write then I obsess over the love of my life, whom I can never have. Oh, my beautiful Catherine. You will never know how much you influence my life. Without you as inspiration my muse would have nothing to draw upon to give me the words to write. Is it any wonder that I put my favourite female characters together when I write when it is you that I long for the most.

My muse, where are you?

You are the only one who truly understands me. You know about my ups and downs and what really lies in my heart. Without you the passion that lies here within me is left wanting.

I try to bury myself further into work but that is possibly what pushed you away in the first place.

Oh how my heart aches right now. My sweet Catherine has a new boyfriend. I know that they are happy together and all I want is for my friend to be happy but you'll never know how my heart has been crushed by your unknowing hands. I long to be able to kiss you as you've never been kissed before, to make love to you like no man can but alas this will never happen.

So I sit here trying to write and pour my heart out to my lovely readers instead, well at least I usually do but without my muse I continue to stare at a blank screen.

I wonder where my muse has gone?

Has she gone on a much needed vacation or has she found someone else to inspire? I hope it is the former as I would be extremely jealous of anyone else enjoying the benefits of my muse. I hope she will forgive me and return soon so I can write again.

As I sit here staring at the cursor blinking on the screen I realise that it is not blank anymore! This story, the one you've just read, is sitting there in black and white in front of me. I never realised I was typing as I was thinking.

Maybe my muse never abandoned me at all!! Maybe I just needed to say sorry to her. I hope that she has returned for good as I have much that I want to write.

I'm glad that my muse is back. It may not give me my darling Catherine but it has given me some peace and the knowledge that someone still wants me.

Maybe one day I'll pick up the courage to ask Catherine out but for now I will pour out my love between the lines for you all to read.

A/N2: I really hope that you enjoyed this short story. It just came to me exactly as you have just read. I have been struggling to write for a while so I'm glad that all seems well in my world again. Please review as this keeps my muse happy and then maybe she wont abandon me again. Many thanks for reading!!!


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